Darkness

I noticed recently that the musician used to play guitar and has a beautiful vocal singing in a tunnel connecting the train station and residential area was not there anymore. The last time I saw him was when I was on my way to take a train. A few cops were talking to him and at that time there was a kid of primary school age following him on his singing thing. I can see that the cops are demanding something from him and he do not have the necessary documents that permits him to carry on his enjoyment. Every time I pass by I noticed he is really enjoying what he is doing and every time I pass by I do not stop at there and listen to the songs. He is in fact very good in singing English songs. I would imagine that some day I would bring the love of my life to there and ask him to sing some nice love songs for her. But now it seems to be just a dream. There seems to be something missing when he is gone. The tunnel had become a bit lonely with a bit of sorrow.

Speaking of the love of my life, whenever I look at other girls, pretty or not, I still think that she is prettier. She said she is heavy but I see she is very cute. I wonder how she's coping with her coming two exams. I hope she won't burst into tears when she is having a hard time memorizing her materials and hope that she can get the grade that she wanted. She always study at the eleventh hour, who doesn't? It's just exams after all. Everyday I will wonder is she taking proper meals and taking care of her health by not staying up til late night. I just found out that she is still recovering from breaking off with her ex. After that I feel strangely depressed for no reason. I am suffocating. My heart feel like bleeding and crying out at the same time. She is in my mind when I was awake in the morning, travelling to work, working, and even now when I was writing this. Why am I experiencing this? I have no idea. What should I do? Maybe I am afraid. I feel maintaining a relationship is very heavy for me. I still have a lot to learn. But what should I do? I feel lost.